Only the lonely..

I really can't tell you what hurts worst being lonely or being left out...

Tonight has been an emotional roller coaster, and it's probably all my fault.  I expect way too much out of others, and of myself, really.  I'm such an idiot, really...

I also realized tonight that I have no schemas for certain things in life, and I have some negative schemas about certain things in life.  Just because I have no schemas or negative schemas it doesn't mean I can't do these experiences....

My heart is broken, and it aches.  It aches to be held, to be loved, just to be wanted.  I feel that these expectations are just too much, especially for those around me... and quite frankly, it's not fair.  I deserve this and it sucks to know that I can't have it... I just want that look, that touch, that feeling... and somehow I'm not worthy of it, when I know I really am... I'm just ready for it to be my turn, and it to be my turn now.

I'm becoming impatient in the waiting room.  Impatient and impatient.  I'm impatient while holding my breaking heart trying to figure out the pieces of my life, while it seems that others just have it.  It's night's like these that I remember that I might be able to run for awhile but it will always catch up to me. Always.

Stupid expectations.
Stupid heart.
Stupid self.