I'm making lifestyle changes, and I mean big ones! As you all know I stopped going to the same church I've been going to for years! It was time to move on, while I've been gone I've waited around to see who would actually see that I was gone. God, how selfish was I? By the time someone did I had already moved on from the issues that I had with the social aspect of the church and was beyond it all. But.. I didn't act mature.. well I was rude, which is immature I guess, yes it is. Why can't I ever yet admit that I'm wrong? Why does my pride get in the way? I wrote this person a note back but they haven't responded. Well, at least I tried? I would really like to fix things with this person but I think I burned the bridge.
Next on the list of lifestyle changes is school. I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that I am indeed graduating. Whether I'd like to or not! Yikes! I'm taking a semester off, while UNF, and I get our acts together. Well, at least a semester. During this time off I'd like to accomplish somethings. One of which is my identity.
This is very important to me not only because have I rooted my identity into my schooling, and now I don't have that anymore but also because I am making healthy lifestyle changes and well... I have to fill the times and highs that I use food and snacking with normal things.. so this summer I want to explore my own interests and likes, the only problem I'm having is that I don't know who I am! Well, I'll figure that out one step at a time! I think I might make a list of things I want to do but who knows? I do know if I do that I would be the only one doing it, meaning I'll be going it alone.. ok I can do that, right??
Next is my physical health. I'm hoping to have somethings done right after graduation. And these things or thing I should say since it is indeed singular is life altering. I will never be the same again.. EVER.. kind of like getting born again, I suppose. But with this life alteration comes hard times and change. Change.. remember how much I like that? Oh yeah, I don't! As I already said I have to my thinking to help change me physically. This is spiritual and well if I'm going to practice this in my therapy I might as well as start doing it, right? Can't ask people to do something that I can't do! So anyways.. with this change comes more change.. haha, I know. I have to change the way I think, perceive, and do things but so does my family. Unfortunately my family has to change too.. do you see my problem?
Today I had to meet with my doctor and things didn't go as well as they should, not because I didn't do well but because well I didn't do all that I was supposed to. And this is an excuse that I'm giving you right now and well I just want you to know that: it's hard to be doing this alone and not having my family support me. Especially since they have it in their capacity to do so, they just think I'm doing this for all the wrong reasons and because well they don't want to change so they don't want me to change. I hate it, and I'm hurt by it. Their un-supportive (is it un? or in? or non?) ways hinders me from the complete change I need to make.. have to make.. want to make.. so things didn't go as well because their not helping me... ok there is my excuse.. now I have to figure out a plan to help make these changes without them.. any helpers?
Because this health thing is muy importante, and will take most of my focus for awhile I'm going to be dealing with this for the next few months and not focus on getting a job. I am however going to be preparing for grad school, where ever I decide I want to go, and building my resume with wonderful volunteer work.. maybe that'll help my identity.. until then I'm holding onto this promise:
"No eye has seen,
No ear has heard,
No mind can conceive,
What God has prepared for those who love Him."
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