Learning to Trust

I was looking back through my sermon journal it's evident hat God has been giving me the words and encouragement that I would need today.  For the past year and a half I've taken notes on stepping out and how to remain in faith, how to combat discouragement, what to do in the waiting room, how to give, and what I need to do to stay connected.  I wish I could say that I paid attention and that I'm following these words of advice but alas I am not.  I feel like if I had only stopped for a second to realize it's not about me then maybe my lesson would be over already.  However, I know that God's will is perfect and He plans out how long I learn the lesson.  Not to say that it's not my fault for disobeying because it is.

A verse that God gave me when I was in England was Psalms 37:4:  "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart".  In previous blogs I shared my beginning thoughts on this verse, and what I thought it might mean.  When I was in England all I thought about (and still do!!) was if I do what God wants then He'll give me what I want!  However, it really doesn't work that way!  Oh how I wish it did!!  That's when I became angry with Him.  When I didn't get what I wanted.  Oh how immature and selfish was I!  If you've been reading my blogs and keeping tabs (which you probably haven't) you know how much I am struggling right now.  As I've spent some quiet time I keep coming back to that verse.  After some thought I figured out that I needed verse 3 through 9.  They are:

Psalms 37:3-9:

(3)  Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. (4) Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. (5) Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: (6) He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. (7) Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (8) Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil. (9) For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

I figured (man I figure a lot!! haha) that if I'm going to delight in the Lord, I might want to figure out the desires of my heart.  So I made a list, this isn't a specific in order list, just a general one... so here we go!!

My Hearts Desires/ What I think I want/ What I want to be:

1. A house
2. Successful Career
• own practice
• teaching
• seminars
3. A home
• where I belong
4. Close friends
• Not having to worry about rejection
• someone to support me and fight with me
5. Involvement
• being wanted
• interning, volunteering, serving
6. Being a giver
7. Being a worshipper
8. Being independent
• physically, spiritually, and monetarily
9. Traveling/ World Traveler
• Not evangelism but a vacation
10. Unconditional love
• family, friends, and if in the plan a spouse
11. Wisdom
12. Discernment
13. Sociable Skills
• An easness 
• No more quietness or awkwardness
14. Gracefulness
15. Healing
• no more fear, no more pain- physically, emotionally, spiritually
16. Runner
17. Dancer
18. Trusting/ Trustful
19. Beautiful
20. Carefree
21. Merciful
22. Prosperity
23. Life Changer
24. Intelligent
25. Pool
26. Differentiated: whole
27. I want to be my own age
28. Psychologist/ therapist/ christian counselor
29. Driven
30. Motivated
31. Debt Free
32. Mentor
33. Good health:  long life
34. Humble
35. Shouter
36. Prayer warrior
37. Interceder

This list will probably grow as I grow and my desires change.  I'm learning to trust God.  I've already had one situation in the past 2 days and today I was presented with another.  So tomorrow I'm stepping out in faith, and trusting that God will catch me!  I'll try to update again once I know something!!