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I just read ALL of my blogs from this entire year and I can't believe how much I haven't accomplished! Ughh.. well I am choosing right now to forgive myself. So, Linda I forgive you. I forgive that you haven't done anything with grad school, that you haven't even worked on your quilt, nor have you worked on yourself. You are not selfish or a disappointment for not accomplishing these goals when you wanted you are just normal and imperfect.

This past month (or so) since I've blogged have been a whirlwind. The last few weeks of school flew past me like the weeks before and before I knew it, it was graduation day. A day I was incredibly dreading. If things weren't that great on the inside for me, they were very much worse on the outside at home. I won't really dwell on it but my graduation was not about me.. yes dear reader, I'll say it again: my graduation was not about me... it was about my sister. My sister, who is completely the opposite of me. Me: quiet, peaceful, introverted, fearful. My sister: loud, extraverted, jealous. For some God known reason she's jealous of everything.. she won't admit it but it's pretty obvious. Anyways my sister, who is lovely at throwing temper tantrums actually turned my parents heads to make sure they knew that she was more important and that her graduation was more important. Oh well. Life goes on. Thankfully my great aunt was here, so I didn't have to suffer alone and actually had someone to cry to.

2 days after graduation I finally had knee surgery. If you remember I popped my knee cap out of place in November. And apparently when I did, I tore both sides of my meniscus and had been walking on it for 6 months.. thanks, doc! So I had my knee fixed, which went pretty smoothly actually. Only needed crutches for 4 days! Well. 5 including surgery day but I didn't really do much that day! A month later, I'm still healing but it doesn't hurt to walk anymore! PTL!!

One month later, last week I had another surgery. I know, I know what you're thinking. Dang!! This surgery was actually what I have been working towards all semester. All those tests, all those doctors appointment, all those whiny previous blogs about change.. that happened last week. My previous blog is about when I learned I had qualified for a very specific surgery. A surgery I have been hoping, wishing, and praying about since December. So on June 3rd, I had a lap-band put in place. For those who do not know what that is, it is a type of gastric bypass. Very invasive, and irreversible if needed. I have a white band that is around my upper stomach and in 3 weeks I will have saline put in the band to tighten it. It's estimated that I will lose over a 100 pounds in a year. I do hope so! It's going to be hard work but it will be worth it.

The support I've been complaining about not getting from my family is support to have the surgery and my lifestyle change. My dad thinks I took the easy road out, and that I could do the lifestyle change and lose the weight on my own. Well, if that were really the case I would have already lost it.. Diet wise, I am forever different. So if we ever eat a meal together dear reader please do not be offended about my appetite or what I can, or can't for that matter, eat! As for now (i'll probably change this as I get further down the line) I only eat 30 grams of non veggies a day. Yeah.. no carbs for me.

My doctor actually made sense of it. We are addicted to carbs. As people, as a society, as a nation. We get a high from carbohydrates like an alcoholic gets "high" from alcohol. We don't get fat from eating tomatoes and lettuce.. we get fat from french fries! Our bodies only need so many amount of carbs before it gets turned to sugar then fat! Eww! So with this new lifestyle, I can't have a lot of fruit, mainly because of the sugar, no carbs obviously (except for the ones I need like salad dressing or condiment stuff) and I can't eat and drink at the same time anymore. And I can only eat about 3 oz of food at the moment. Of course I am still swollen so once that goes down, I'll be able to eat more before I get an adjustment. If you have any other questions, just ask.. I'll answer them :)

As for church... I stopped going for months. Seriously, I've been backsliding and it's quite scary. After my aunt left I decided to start church searching again. Went to one church where the preacher preached that if we got sick or had an illness it was because we were out of faith.. then went to another where they preached that if we didn't share our faith then we weren't saved... So still nothing but I have learned that I might have to travel across town to find Jesus. I don't know how that actually works, or why.. but I just might have to.

School has been put off while I work on my health. The first stage is the deprivation stage and the deprivation stage is the first fifty. I've got a little (ok a lot!) more to go.. but I'm going to get there!! UNF didn't keep their program that I needed so.. I have to figure out what I'm doing. Ok, I need to wait and hear what I'm being told I'm doing. (if you know, could you tell me?? please??) I plan to hopefully take the GRE next month and maybe travel looking at schools in August. So I have to start studying!! If anyone is reading this pray that I somehow am motivated to do something!!

What else have I forgotten to tell you about? Oh, I got into a car accident.. I'm okay, my car was sort of ok.. had some internal damage and some minor cosmetic damage. However the person I hit (wasn't my fault btw) doesn't have insurance or something... because when I filed a claim with her insurance they can't find her.. so I'm battling insurances, mine and hers' to fix this problem. Pray it's resolved soon!

Well, I'll end things here... Did I learn anything? No.. did you? ehh.. probably not! Until then! <3