Revelation

This is a long blog today, so if you are really interested in reading this it might take you awhile...

On Sunday after church I had a really interesting conversation with a good friend.  I actually went over there and talked to them because my dad was speaking to her but eventually we started talking and had a great moment.  My dad mentioned to her that my mother is the jealous type and that she'd be jealous just by seeing him and her talk.  I then mention that my mom is jealous of me, which I had actually realized last week (more on that later...).  My friend began to share with me how her mom was the same way when she was growing up (please note that this friend is old enough to be my mother...) We discussed how insecure my mom is and how fear rules her life.  We eventually started talking about my sister, Sarah, and how much they are alike and how much Sarah is trying to prove she's not me.  I mentioned that it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil and its true.. but my friend had a different perspective on it. The squeaky wheel might get the oil but it's because they need it.  God has made us independent and whole and He has set us a part, so we don't need that oil or as much of it.  She later prayed for my family and prophesied that the dark cloud has almost passed and what is to come will soon happen.  I'm so thankful to hear that- I hope it means that my family will be delivered and restored soon!  I feel hopeful again that my family will be united and whole.  It makes the waiting a little bit easier..

Yesterday I had a moment with my dad and I fully just expressed how I was feeling.  My dad is the person I am able to just express everything and fall apart.  One of the few people I feel comfortable with, but also because I was having issues with the family and the squeaky wheels..  I don't know if anything will prompt a change here at home, but I laid it all on the table.  I pretty much confessed about how I felt that they were pushing me away,  I'm pretty independent and I've had to be.. if you know me and about my past you'd agree.  About how I just felt that I've worked so hard for everything I've got and nothing to show for it.  I currently feel like my life is going no where, which is a lie.. it's just that I'm not going at the speed I'd like to go. I mean I already feel like I'm behind on not saving money to buy a house.. true story.. go ahead and laugh it's dumb...

Anyways, I feel that my sister has just had everything handed to her and hasn't had to work for any of it.. and yet I've worked so hard for everything and I have to ask.  And I really do.. I have to ask for everything and I have to have a valid reason for asking because I better not just be asking because I want it.. which spurred another topic... wanting..  I've already mentioned about how I don't know how to want.  This is primarily because when I wanted something I was either told "how does it feel to want" or my aunt (when I was younger) would deliberately buy it and give it to my sister..  And now I reap the emotional consequences...   I feel so emotional immature writing about this but I guess if the shoe fits?

I saw my band doctor on friday and for the first time since my surgery I didn't get a fill!  My band feel completely normal.. like it's always been a part of me..  I don't know how much weight I've lost, my doctor told me to stop weighing myself..  I'm a bit obsessed with the numbers and I really shouldn't be.  I'm right on target.  I finally believe it though..  today I read someone's blog about their band journey and they've been banded over a year and they've only lost 50 lbs.. crazy!  There is no specific diet for the band and that's why it takes others are more successful than others.  It's also one of the reasons my doctor puts his patients on a specific diet, he deals with why were are obese and helps us overcome.

I want to share this email that I got today..  I actually want to try and do this.  I think it will be helpful..  Here we go!

The most beautiful advice:
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13.. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday
16. Carry a spiritually enlightening book with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20.. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life..
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25.. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus .'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31.. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.