I still have no clue what to write!! :( Today is Christmas, so Merry Christmas to you! As usual mine was filled with lots of yelling, drama, and tears. It wouldn't be complete without those things, lol!
Of course after I post last night's blog friend "Y" and I get into a fight.. just my luck! Anyways, I'm "breaking up" with this person and this person is oblivious the fact that we are no longer friends. I mean if you were treated the way you are treating others would you consider that person your friend? I hope not, really I do! But I do not want to talk about this person.. I want to talk about what happened today. What happened today plays in with my previous post and my feelings of that my life is my fault.
Today is Christmas, usually a day filled with joy, love, giving.. ok I'm making this up because I really have no clue! Someone please correct me! :) Today my dad gave a whole "talk" (directed mostly to my sister) about how him not having any money is our fault. The reason we didn't have Christmas this year is because he doesn't have the money, and he doesn't have the money because we spent it all. My sister breaks down crying asking why its her fault, I leave the room announcing to her to get used to it. Everything is always our fault. Its our fault my parents marriage is failing because if we weren't so selfish they wouldn't have to do the things they have to do for us. We have no money because we spend it all, although when my mom blows the paychecks on soda and candy for herself its still our fault. Its our fault that the car is in the condition is, afterall if we never left the house we wouldn't drive it. It's our fault the house is the way it is, because if we didn't live in it it would look brand new.. the list goes on and on.
Hours later, my dad comes and finds me. Not because he wants to have a family talk, they did without me (remember I'm not a part of the family). He starts complaining about it all over again and asking me why I'm upset. I directly remind him, as his therapist (because that is really the reason he's come to find me) that he's had 12 months to plan for this day! It's not our fault that they can't get their act together. It's not our fault that his wife (my mother and I refer to each other like this. She's his wife, and I'm his daughter) can't save anything and them waiting to the last minute is not our fault. It's the reason I hate (ok not hate but you know what I mean) Christmas and my birthday. They can plan for my sister's birthday but they can't for Christmas or my birthday? Granted Christmas is not all about the gifts but I shouldn't be blamed because they can't figure out what they are doing. Needless to say I am not looking forward to my birthday and I really don't believe this year is not going to be any different.
So I get blamed for a lot crap at home.. no one wonder I have a problem, lol! But that doesn't mean I have to stay this way. However I don't want to deal with it, because I know the moment I do, someone else is going to blame with some other crap and I'll be back to square one. What I really want is someone to prove me wrong. Someone who will actually fight for me. Unfortunately for the life I've lived, I don't think that day will ever come....
No comments:
Post a Comment